She loves me? She loves me not?
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a great book that was released in 1995 called, The 5 Love Languages. This is absolutely one of the very best books on relationships that I have ever read. I’ve read it multiple times, and I am sure to read it again. More importantly, to all of my friends and followers who have spouses, significant others, and/or children – I want each of you to get it and read it. This book is that good. If you follow the principles in the book, it will improve all of your important relationships.
The premise behind the book is that each of us has a primary way that we understand and receive love. In essence, the way that we feel the most loved is our primary “love language”. Dr. Chapman describes five different love languages. Although most of us would have a mixture of each of the languages, we tend to have one primary love language. The love languages are:
- Physical Touch
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
There are assessments that can be taken to determine your primary love language – but you probably already have a good idea of yours. One of the ways you can determine your primary love language is to observe your own actions in how you love others. For example, if you are constantly doing little things for the people you love, your primary love language may very well be “Acts of Service”. If you are constantly wanting to hold hands and/or cuddle, your primary love language may be “Physical Touch”.
Dr. Chapman explains that one of the challenges in all relationships is that we tend to love others in our primary love language – not theirs. But our relationships grow much stronger when we learn to love others in their primary love language.
When we love someone in a language other than their primary language – just the same as when we speak English to someone who only speaks Japanese, we will not be understood and they may not feel loved.
This is a perfect example where Dr. Tony Alessandra’s concept of “The Platinum Rule” applies. Don’t love someone as you would have them love you. Love them in the way that they would have you love them.
The same principle applies in the buying process. Sales people are too often speaking their “Sales Language” and prospective customers are normally speaking their “Buying Language.”
This week we will be discussing what I believe to be the Three Buying Languages. If you become fluent in these three languages, you will take your sales success to a much higher level.
We will dive into each of these over the next three days.
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What is your spouse’s primary love language?