Funny Monday rides again! Help me out by sending me your funny stories about sales.  Email your stories to





Here are the rules about our funny Monday stories.

  1. Keep them clean.  Nothing rated higher than PG, please.  I prefer to think of this blog as a family show. :-)
  2. Stories should be short funny stories about sales, business, or life-work balance.
  3. If you have a picture that helps illustrate your story, I will post it with your permission.


A new sales manager had been brought in to take over for a departing sales manager who was leaving the company after ten years at the helm.  As a gesture to the outgoing leader, the replacement asked if he could take him to lunch and pick his brain about the company and the business.  The departing sales manager agreed, but asked that they simply have lunch in his office.

As the two visited over their meal, the younger sales manager asked, “What advice can you share with me about your team and how I should handle upper management?”

The departing sales manager took three envelopes from the inside pocket of his suit coat.  The envelopes were labeled 1, 2, and 3.  He sat them beside a nice bottle of McAllen 12 year old scotch.

“Rather than tell you something today that you will probably not remember,” the elder statesman began.  “I have prepared 3 separate envelopes and a bottle of scotch for you.  Each has the solution to the major problems you will encounter if you miss your sales targets.  Don’t open them now.  But when you miss your numbers for the first time, open the first envelope.  When you miss your numbers for the second time, open envelope number two.  And when you miss your numbers for the third time, open envelope number three.”

The younger sales manager agreed and thanked him for his support.

One year later, the young sales manager had indeed missed his target by a substantial amount.  Worried, he opened the envelope marked with the number 1.  As he looked inside, he saw a small index card with something inscribed on it.  He took it out and read the following advice from the previous sales manager:

  1. Blame Me.

The young sales manger thought about the card, decided it was excellent advice and immediately called a meeting with upper management.  He told them, “I know that we have had a disappointing year.  However, my predecessor left this team in worse shape that I anticipated. I’ve made the necessary adjustments and  I am sure that next year will be better.”  Much to his relief – the strategy worked and his job was secure.

However, the next year was not better.  It was actually worse.  So the young sales manger reached into his drawer for envelope number 2.  The card inside said:

2.  Blame The Economy

Again, the young sales manager took the advice to heart.  He called a meeting with upper management and explained how the economy had been stagnant since the last election and that challenge had presented numerous obstacles to the customers ability to budget for what they sold.  However, he read the latest news and was certain that the economy would rebound over the next few months and their sales targets would be achieved.

Again, his ploy protected his job.

The next year however did not show an increase in sales.  For the third consecutive year he missed his sales targets.  He was completely distressed by this and did not know what he would do to keep his job.  Then he remembered the third envelope – still in his desk drawer.

He slowly opened the envelope and again saw a card inside.  He pulled the card out of the envelope and read the following:

3.  Prepare Three Envelopes